Welcome to The Gastrosexual, a small blog dedicated to the pleasant stimulation of the senses through food and drink. If you've accidentally stumbled into this distant corner of the web, I hope you won't leave too quickly, and if directed yourself here hoping to find epicurean satisfaction, I hope you won't leave disappointed.
Why food, you ask?
Because I'm addicted to food. You are, too. Don't believe me? Try not eating for the next few days. At breakfast time, avoid any creamy scrambled eggs with buttered toast, and forgo your favorite fruit-sprinkled, fortified cereal. For lunch, stay in. Avoid the cafe down the street offering Insalata Caprese with tender, milky chunks of mozzarella between slices of August-ripened tomatoes. And at dinner, don't even think of broiling a side of juicy salmon and watching the brown-sugar glaze atop it bubble beneath the heat. And don't drizzle over it any creamy lemon & garlic aioli sauce. Skip the dessert of iced chocolate cake, too. Replace all of these meals with copious amounts of water and I'm sure you'll quickly be able to overcome your addiction to food.
Those of us who don't wish to suffer withdrawal beginning at tomorrow's breakfast should probably prepare scrambled eggs:
Scrambled Eggs
12 eggs
1 tablespoon fresh herbs
1 tablespoon Dijon
1 tablespoon butter
2 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
Pinch of salt
Pepper to taste
Whisk together 11 eggs and the herbs. In a separate bowl, mix together Dijon, cream and yolk of one egg.
Heat pan over medium-high heat. When hot, add butter and coat surface of pan. Add egg and herb mixture, stirring vigorously for two minutes or until almost cooked. Add mustard mixture, mix. While mixture is still creamy, remove from heat and continue stirring for 30 seconds. Serve alongside or atop buttered toast, add pepper to taste.
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Scrambled eggs usually emerge from the pan either dry, tasteless fluffs impregnated with too much air, or as soggy chunks that seem watery. These are glaring symptoms of Incorrectly Scrambled Eggs, a kitchen malfunction that can be easily remedied with the addition of cream, heat and movement. A perfect scramble consists of many soft, small curds of egg glistening with creaminess, something like these, served beneath a sprinkle of rosemary:
Many articles on the web project their version of perfection regarding scrambled eggs, and I find Mr. Breakfast's piece on the matter very accurate. While I disagree with the notion that the point of scrambling is to introduce air (the point is to break-up into curds the quickly setting egg mixture) and the nonchalance with which the author approaches removing eggs from the heat just before they're finished, it's an otherwise informative piece.
I'll tell you what I do.
Scrambling eggs is simple if one prepares everything before the first eggs hit the pan. For a pan, choose something nonstick that isn't too big. The shallow bowl form of a nonstick stir-fry pan works perfectly by providing a sufficient amount of depth, thus preventing all of the egg mixture from contacting the surface of the pan at once. In this sort of pan, you'll have sufficient depth to stir and whip -- to scramble! -- the egg mixture. If using a nonstick pan, also use a wooden or plastic utensil for working with the eggs since you'll want to scrape the bottom of the pan.
Once you've chosen your primary pan and utensil, prepare the ingredients you'll be dumping into them. First, prepare the egg mixture. Since you should be sharing your delicious breakfast, grab one dozen eggs and crack eleven of them into a large bowl, reserving one. For more flavor, you can also add to the eggs a small amount of whatever herbs you'd. No more than a tablespoon of chervil, tarragon, chives, and parsley makes a tasty addition. Also add a few pinches of salt to intensify these herbs. Set this aside.
Next, add the yolk of the reserved egg, two tablespoons of heavy whipping cream and one tablespoon of smooth, creamy Dijon mustard to a small bowl and mix together. And heavy whipping cream means heavy whipping cream. Do not substitute any sort of milk; your eggs will be runny and watery. The cream, Dijon and yolk will be added toward the end of cooking as a binder for the egg mixture. By adding this second round of ingredients, your eggs will be uniformly creamy. Everyone at breakfast will want to know your secret.
Once you have the large bowl containing the herbed mixture of eleven eggs and the small bowl of mustard cream, begin heating your pan over medium-high heat. When it's hot, toss in one tablespoon of butter and coat the surface of the pan with it. Then grab your wooden or plastic utensil and throw in the egg mixture.
Once the eggs are in, keep stirring at all costs. As the pan heats up, egg will stick to bottom of the pan. Move the pan rapidly back and forth across the burner, using your utensil to scrape away sticking egg and mixing it in with the rest of the mixture. When you do this, more egg will stick. Scrape that away and mix it in, too. Continue this rapid process of scraping and mixing until the mixture appears to be thickening and forming curds, at which point you'll mix in the mustard cream and continue scraping, stirring and mixing.
When the eggs appear to be nearly done but are still glistening and creamy, remove them from the heat and continue stirring. After thirty seconds, slide them onto a plate alongside buttered toast, sprinkle on a tiny pinch of freshly cracked peppercorns, and enjoy.
I find them served atop a warm slice of ham on toast with a basil chiffonade very tasty.
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